I am sO SORRRY that I dare not say it out

"Sorry"
A words which is really easy to say out.
But why I can't say it ?
Is it some thing I am forbidden to say ?
Why every time I wanted to say sorry to you, I feel like some thing i pulling me not to say it ..
can I ever say it to you ?
When it comes to some thing that is big matter , i couldn't do it. if it's not, I could say it .
Why am I like this ?
I feel like I am nothing but a stone.
hmm,... Am I ?

what I did is not what I want it to end like this.
I am now really sad, frustrate, angry and feel like I'm better of from here.
I rather not to exist ...

Actually ...
can you please forget what had happen and change to your own self ?
I miss the way you are before...
I hate the attitude you held now..
i feel that there is no space for me to be here.. no reason for me to stay.
You change to some thing worst ..
you keep ignoring me..
After the incident, you've been avoiding or ignoring me ..
you doesn't talk like you use to talk..
Every thing change in a blink of an eye ..
this is weird..

I hate the way it is now ...
can I change every thing ?
can everything be back to normal ?
Truely SORRY ...